(Written in January 2006)
\nWoke without fear, but sad.\u00a0 Huge sadness \u2014 that life is sad and everywhere full of pain.\u00a0 Interestingly I don\u2019t feel despair \u2014 and I see that despair, hopelessness, is different from sadness.\u00a0 I accept that I may be carrying this sadness for the rest of my life: sadness for the traumatized baby inside me, sadness for all the wounded babies, sadness for the whole world, sadness for all the pain we humans inflict on each other and on other species.\u00a0 I hold the sadness gently, knowing I won\u2019t leave it.<\/p>\n
This feels like the longest January on record.\u00a0 Woke neither sad nor scared, but tired.\u00a0 So amazing.\u00a0 Such a big shift.\u00a0 And yet I don\u2019t feel very different.\u00a0 Still sad, not joyous.\u00a0 But I don\u2019t feel wrong to be sad.\u00a0 This IS my choice, to stay with this task, and not leave it for some illusory promise of \u201chappiness\u201d that\u2019s based on denial.\u00a0 What\u2019s gone is the irritation and impatience with myself for still being scared, sad, tired, etc.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in January 2006) Woke without fear, but sad.\u00a0 Huge sadness \u2014 that life is sad and everywhere full of pain.\u00a0 Interestingly I don\u2019t feel despair \u2014 and I see that despair, hopelessness, is different from sadness.\u00a0 I accept that … Continue reading