(Written in July 2005)
\nWorked with Brad on feeling tired & discouraged.\u00a0 like a 500-lb weight across my legs, holding me down.\u00a0 Hang out with it for a bit, some of the weight droops down and rests on the couch.\u00a0 But I still can\u2019t get up without effort.\u00a0 And I\u2019m scared that I won\u2019t ever have enough energy to get up.\u00a0 Finally, I shrink the time interval to one small enough so I can be OK with how I am.\u00a0 I notice that if I put my hand on my cheek, it\u2019s supportive enough so my breathing relaxes.\u00a0 And I\u2019m able to sip and enjoy the last of my iced coffee.\u00a0 Finally I\u2019m relaxed enough to begin noticing, and enjoying, the breeze from the fan.\u00a0 Eventually it feels as tho the weight has finally melted.\u00a0 We talk about how I can better manage my energy \u2014 using titration i.e. frequent breaks to help me set up the kayak \u2014\u00a0\u00a0 At one point I complained that if I were to really take care of myself, I wouldn\u2019t have time for anything else.\u00a0 Brad says I\u2019ve got it backwards: only if I take care of myself whole-heartedly will I be able to come to the rest of my life with a whole heart.\u00a0 (What he said was more like \u201cif you don\u2019t do this piece, how will you do anything else?\u201d) Which is one of those ideas I agree with intellectually, but inside I can\u2019t believe my energy will ever return.\u00a0 Brad said to be aware of the weight that presses me down, this is why everything is so draining, because I\u2019m pushing against the weight.\u00a0 He said \u201cDeep inside you is a seed of that strength that\u2019s kept you going.\u00a0 It\u2019s what draws people to you and makes you special.\u201d\u00a0 I had a very hard time taking it in and remembering so I could write it down.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in July 2005) Worked with Brad on feeling tired & discouraged.\u00a0 like a 500-lb weight across my legs, holding me down.\u00a0 Hang out with it for a bit, some of the weight droops down and rests on the couch.\u00a0 … Continue reading