{"id":1251,"date":"2011-03-28T10:22:00","date_gmt":"2011-03-28T14:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1251"},"modified":"2011-03-28T10:22:00","modified_gmt":"2011-03-28T14:22:00","slug":"anger","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1251","title":{"rendered":"Anger"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Written in November 2008)
\nThinking about Liv Whitelaw the Outlaw, in Elizabeth George’s Playing for the Ashes<\/em><\/a>, and her anger and pain and her need to feel powerful and her self-destructiveness, and wondering if that arose in reaction to a mother who was a do-gooder, who \u201calways knew best.\u201d Also how that mother destroyed the young man that she loved by knowing what was \u201cbest\u201d for him.\u00a0 And reading about the children in the Montessori School who expressed their anger by running around the room knocking over other children\u2019s projects.\u00a0 This kind of angry energy is awake in me, I think partly in response to seeing that belief that if my doing something for myself results in disappointment or discomfort for someone else, then I am bad and worthless and rotten and ought to be dead.\u00a0 I\u2019m furious that mother\u2019s selfish, narcissistic behavior resulted in the infant that I was taking on that belief.\u00a0 I\u2019m angry because I don\u2019t see what I can do about it.\u00a0 Who would you be without that belief?\u00a0 I can\u2019t imagine.\u00a0 And when Karen said things that contradicted that belief I could feel in my body how deeply I didn\u2019t believe her.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s almost as though that angry one, who is willing to put my feelings and needs first, has taken over my life.\u00a0 The older sister, the co-dependent, the one who\u2019s trying to be good enough to prove that she deserves to live \u2014 they\u2019ve all retreated into the background.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what to make of it.\u00a0 I feel a little judgemental of myself just enough to bring up discomfort and resentment, but not enough to trigger another episode of terror or despair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Written in November 2008) Thinking about Liv Whitelaw the Outlaw, in Elizabeth George’s Playing for the Ashes, and her anger and pain and her need to feel powerful and her self-destructiveness, and wondering if that arose in reaction to a … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1251","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-breakdown","category-healing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1251","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1251"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1251\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1251"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1251"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1251"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}