(Written in November 2008)
\nKaren was very helpful.\u00a0 I told her about all my contradictory feelings \u2014 even saw a kind of collage of torn & colored paper \u2014 joy about Obama, anger & sadness that I wake up with, crankiness and irritability.\u00a0 I\u2019m beginning to feel uncomfortable about spending my days in \u201cnon-productive\u201d activity.\u00a0 Because I\u2019m not terrified and fragile, I\u2019ve started considering which of the necessary things I can do, and that opened a door to the voice of judgement from childhood \u201cselfish\u201d \u201clazy\u201d.\u00a0 Karen confirmed that what\u2019s really going on is I\u2019m needing to make space for a massive internal reorganization.\u00a0 It\u2019s going on below consciousness, so I\u2019m having to keep the neo-cortex occupied so it doesn\u2019t interfere.\u00a0 I need to not ask myself to try to make decisions that will draw energy away from that inner work.\u00a0 That in itself is vastly different from my usual tactic of bullying myself to do what \u201chas to\u201d be done.\u00a0 I also talked about my anger at CEO\u2019s who paid themselves 262 times what the average worker got while outsourcing jobs so that worker lost what little he had, and Exxon Mobil posting record profits while people can\u2019t afford to heat their homes, and…\u00a0\u00a0 Karen gave me a towel & said (with a gleeful evil grin) \u201cwring their necks\u201d, so I did, happily.\u00a0 I told her about the kid inside, and her angry energy, and wanting to make a mess and how my creative energy is coming more easily now.<\/p>\n
got a lot done yesterday \u2014 surprised myself \u2014 I think it came from Karen\u2019s validation that I\u2019m not being lazy and self-indulgent, I\u2019m taking needed space for myself, to allow re-negotiation at a deep level.\u00a0 \u201cRe-negotiation\u201d really is the best word because it suggests that there\u2019s both conflict and dialogue going on, that bits and pieces are moving around, finding new alignments.<\/p>\n
“Re-negotiation” is Peter Levine’s word for the process by which trauma is healed.\u00a0 It’s integrated into ordinary memory, instead of remaining a frozen, fragmented chunk that keeps pulling you back into the event.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in November 2008) Karen was very helpful.\u00a0 I told her about all my contradictory feelings \u2014 even saw a kind of collage of torn & colored paper \u2014 joy about Obama, anger & sadness that I wake up with, … Continue reading