(Written in October 2008)
\nSession with Caryn: I told her about getting activated with the psychiatrist and then calming it with the image of geologic process.\u00a0 Went thru several cycles of activation & discharge.\u00a0 Noticed that my head stayed cool, that when the activation was on the surface it was easier to handle, it seemed like \u201cnot me\u201d any longer, when it\u2019s inside my chest it feels like \u201cme.\u201d Caryn asked how I could tell the difference between \u201cme\u201d and \u201cnot me\u201d and I don\u2019t think I ever answered her.\u00a0 I\u2019m reminded of the time with Ingrid Bacci, when my father\u2019s sleazy energy seemed to be on the surface in such a way that I could actually peel it off \u2014 it was no longer \u201cme.\u201d Now I\u2019m thinking that it\u2019s something about the sensation on the skin that makes the difference.\u00a0 Later in the session I had a sense of a positive energy which started at my hara and expanded to my skin \u2014 that \u201cplump\u201d feeling.\u00a0 Very different from the activation on the skin.\u00a0 It\u2019s like coming to understand that the disintegrating feeling, which used to scare me, means disintegrating of frozen armor, not disintegrating of \u201cme.\u201d I think I\u2019m finally learning to have healthy boundaries!\u00a0 The last two times I saw Caryn I went right to my corner, pulled the pillows in around me, and said \u201cMine!\u201d\u00a0 It happens spontaneously.\u00a0 Perhaps I\u2019ve recovered a two-year-old part of me who tried to set boundaries that Mother just crashed right through.\u00a0 I spent some time in a state of relief and relaxation \u2014o yes there was a whole piece with tension on the side of my neck, and a voice, finding the strong voice that comes out, instead of the frozen one that struggles.\u00a0 I began to realize that the pain I was feeling was the pain of the earth.\u00a0 Words came: \u201cIt is not kept, or guarded, or cared for,\u201d so I sang that part of the Road to Ixopo.\u00a0 That felt satisfying.\u00a0 I hung out with relief for a while, and then I wanted to crawl, so I did that on my belly \u2014oh! first relief led me to supported child pose & I got more & more relaxed, sliding into a sort of frog pose \u2014 then I crawled, then I got up & walked.\u00a0 There was a whole bit about my ribs, how they still hurt on both sides, especially when I did a twist.\u00a0 So I worked with the theraband, stretching my arm across my chest, both sides, & that freed up my rib cage so I could walk with more rotation of ribcage.\u00a0 She also asked me if I felt resolved with the Nia fall, I said yes, I had been able to find what I would like to have said in the NVC training.\u00a0 So we did the contralateral stretch, & then the lunge against the wall, which I can practice at home.\u00a0 She did some work with my feet and I practiced walking with much more articulation in my feet.
\nWell no wonder I was tired!\u00a0 That was a LOT of WORK.<\/p>\n
For session with Ingrid Bacci<\/a><\/p>\n “Road to Ixopo” is a song from the musical “Lost in the Stars<\/a>“.\u00a0 We had the recording in my house when I was a child, and I was powerfully moved by the music.\u00a0 I was too young to really understand what it was about, but I had a sense of a great disaster to the planet. “Where you stand the grass is rich and matted, but the rich green hills break down, they fall to the valley below…\u00a0 The streams are dry.. too many cattle feed on the grass – it is not kept or guarded or cared for, it no longer keeps men, guards men, cares for men.\u00a0 The titihoya cries here no more….”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" (Written in October 2008) Session with Caryn: I told her about getting activated with the psychiatrist and then calming it with the image of geologic process.\u00a0 Went thru several cycles of activation & discharge.\u00a0 Noticed that my head stayed cool, … Continue reading