(Written in September 2008)
\nA little better this morning.\u00a0 My heart still hurts but I\u2019m not experiencing the same depth of despair.\u00a0 Yesterday I was reading Nancy Napier\u2019s chapter on despair where she talks about sending a line of light from your heart toward the lost infant.\u00a0 When I did that I saw that the infant was enclosed in a shell \u2014 like a walnut shell, round and wrinkled \u2014 a thick hard shell, and the shell with the infant inside it is in my heart.\u00a0 The shell can\u2019t be cracked open, it\u2019s hard and thick, it will have to be dissolved.\u00a0 So I set myself to the task of holding it patiently, gently, softening around it, surrounding it with gentle light, and just waiting.\u00a0 This is something I can do.\u00a0 Some time in the last week I had an image of my heart \u2014 it looked battered and bruised \u2014 it looked very like the wrinkled dark shell around the baby except that it was soft.
\nRight.\u00a0 I have two vocations.\u00a0 One is Neskaya and circle dance and the other is learning to love and patiently be present to the traumatized infant.<\/p>\n
Napier: \u201cDeep in your psyche, outside conscious awareness, is the urge to heal, to reclaim your whole self \u2014 to be free of the confines of a troubled and unprocessed past.\u201d p24
\nJust opened to that passage.\u00a0 It\u2019s really helpful \u2014 something eases inside.\u00a0 She also talks about that on the tape \u2014 the strength, the wholeness, the possibilities that are still there.\u00a0 Yesterday, listening to a tape on creating safety, she talks about a safe place inside with a room where all the parts can gather together.\u00a0 She talks about the \u201cFuture Self\u201d which I think is also the Higher Self and for me that\u2019s also the person who came so alive last summer. I see a room, almost a cave, with different levels and platforms and nooks.\u00a0 The Future\/Higher Self is sitting on a chair across from me, beaming love my way.\u00a0 Napier talks about \u201cHelper\u201d parts and \u201cCaretaker\u201d parts who help take care of the younger parts.\u00a0 I see two, dressed in green, helping care for the babies.\u00a0 They are like Peter Pan or Puck.\u00a0 There was also a Tinkerbell figure.\u00a0 I\u2019ll put on the Napier tape.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s always room for every feeling …\u00a0 Whenever a healing process is activated you are likely to feel a mix of feelings: relief and pain, anticipation and dread.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nancy Napier’s book Getting Through the Day: Strategies for Adults Hurt as Children<\/a> has been an enormous help to me.\u00a0 Her tapes as well.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" (Written in September 2008) A little better this morning.\u00a0 My heart still hurts but I\u2019m not experiencing the same depth of despair.\u00a0 Yesterday I was reading Nancy Napier\u2019s chapter on despair where she talks about sending a line of light … Continue reading