(Written in September 2008)
\nI\u2019m worried that Bella\u2019s medication isn\u2019t working.\u00a0 I listened to Napier tapes which sometimes provide relief.\u00a0 I\u2019m extremely angry at myself for being so stupid as to try to get off meds, and changing Bella\u2019s food.\u00a0 I tried and tried to forgive myself first for being stupid and then for being angry at myself for being stupid.\u00a0 Finally I began to pray \u201cPlease help me forgive myself\u201d and something softened.\u00a0 I also realized that the one who tried to get off meds is the same one who\u2019s been fighting so hard for a better wider life.\u00a0 That helped.\u00a0 I feel a softening even as I write.\u00a0 Because of course things got bad again.\u00a0 Weak & shaky.\u00a0 Cold on my skin.\u00a0 I\u2019m not being able to shift things by my own efforts which suggests that the underlying physiology is bigger than I can deal with.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in September 2008) I\u2019m worried that Bella\u2019s medication isn\u2019t working.\u00a0 I listened to Napier tapes which sometimes provide relief.\u00a0 I\u2019m extremely angry at myself for being so stupid as to try to get off meds, and changing Bella\u2019s food.\u00a0 … Continue reading