(Written in August 2008)
\nStill doing very badly.\u00a0 Bella has a bladder infection.\u00a0 Kayla drove me to Littleton to get the medicine because I couldn\u2019t drive.\u00a0 I\u2019m feeling very weak & shaky.<\/p>\n
Woke early & used the Salzberg CD. Prayed for Bella.\u00a0 Felt a level of frozen despair I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever felt before.\u00a0 At first I tried to avoid it, but then tried to be with it.\u00a0 It doesn\u2019t last, comes and goes.\u00a0 \u201cMay I be free of suffering.\u00a0 May I be filled with loving kindness.\u201d It makes sense that this is the way a baby would feel when it\u2019s been left alone too long.\u00a0 It\u2019s a kind of ultimate helplessness.\u00a0 I feel like I\u2019ll never move again.\u00a0 Sitting here trying to describe it, I felt a momentary movement of compassion for the baby that happened to, then I\u2019m back to being completely swallowed up by her suffering.
\nThis is, in a sense, a shamanic journey to find another lost part of myself and bring her back.<\/p>\n
Please help me
\nMay I be free from suffering
\nMay I be filled with loving kindness
\nPlease help me.<\/p>\n
This is what is worth doing: to be present to my experience in each moment.\u00a0 To \u201csoften around\u201d as much as I can.
\nMy heart is so sore and I am so sleepy.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what to do.\u00a0 Be present to sore heart, sleepy, don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in August 2008) Still doing very badly.\u00a0 Bella has a bladder infection.\u00a0 Kayla drove me to Littleton to get the medicine because I couldn\u2019t drive.\u00a0 I\u2019m feeling very weak & shaky. Woke early & used the Salzberg CD. Prayed … Continue reading