(Written in August 2008)
\nKevin said the fall at the beginning of the Nia training was a bigger injury than I realized, that he had worried about me.\u00a0 (I fell on some wet steps, such that the corner of a step hit me right in the middle of my back and knocked the wind out of me.)\u00a0 It\u2019s my typical pattern \u2014 to minimize something that hurts me.\u00a0 And the other pattern I keep doing over and over: to fail to see my limits, try to do too much, and crash.\u00a0 And now I\u2019m angry at myself for not seeing it coming and behaving more reasonably, and angry at myself for not having the strength to do the things I wrongly imagine I can do.\u00a0 Well, what was it like for me as a child?\u00a0 I was told \u201cyou should have known better\u201d, instead of being given compassionate guidance, and loaded up with responsibilities that were beyond my capacity, so I think that\u2019s normal.\u00a0 I did manage to get to the crying with Kevin \u2014 the one where the belly wall moves in & out involuntarily.\u00a0 I also reminded myself of times when I trusted the process and things worked out all right.
\nKevin says my life is a \u201csevere practice.\u201d That seems like a very accurate description.\u00a0 In the work with Kevin I remembered how the Dancer painting came out of disappointment acknowledged, felt fully, and then allowed to find expression.\u00a0 We also talked about letting go completely and trusting the process.\u00a0 I was able to remember times of trusting the process and how it worked, contrary to my learning early in life that the process\/environment is not trustworthy \u2014 but I can\u2019t remember any now.\u00a0 Kevin knows to ask of good memories \u201cHow does that feel in your body?\u201d and it felt more alive, like muscles were muscles again not just stuffing.\u00a0 I had a brief hit of that feeling of being like a planet.<\/p>\n
Kevin Frank is an amazing bodyworker in Holderness, NH.\u00a0 His wife is Caryn McHose who is my trauma therapist.\u00a0 They both work with the mind\/body interface.\u00a0 See their website<\/a> for more information.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" (Written in August 2008) Kevin said the fall at the beginning of the Nia training was a bigger injury than I realized, that he had worried about me.\u00a0 (I fell on some wet steps, such that the corner of a … Continue reading