(Written in August 2008)
\nI\u2019ve stopped trying.\u00a0 I feel completely defeated by life.\u00a0 I\u2019m on a death march, and I want to keep going as well as I can, to strengthen my comrades, or at least not be a nuisance, but to stop fighting the inevitable.\u00a0 It\u2019s so funny, I was so proud of myself for being a fighter, for keeping going despite all the odds, and to arrive at a brief flowering of what my life might have been.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad I had that experience, I\u2019m glad to know that what I always thought was possible, and kept striving for, is real.\u00a0 But I see that I can\u2019t sustain it by my own efforts, and that I don\u2019t have enough support in my life for that level of good living to be sustained.\u00a0 It takes everything I\u2019ve got just to keep going, to keep feeding myself, walking the dog, and honoring my commitments.\u00a0 At least I feel strengthened, that I can\/will keep going as best I can.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Written in August 2008) I\u2019ve stopped trying.\u00a0 I feel completely defeated by life.\u00a0 I\u2019m on a death march, and I want to keep going as well as I can, to strengthen my comrades, or at least not be a nuisance, … Continue reading