(Written in August 2008)
\nKayla helped me open up about feeling discouraged and disappointed and ineffective and I finally was able to cry.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been \u201csoldiering on\u201d since the Nia training, and the tears have been building up.\u00a0 I talked about struggling to help things\/people\/causes I care about and not having enough energy \u2014 or else the thing is just too big for one person. Kayla said she was hearing the experience of my childhood, all alone, without adequate support, expected to do a job much to big for me.
\nI can hear Dylan\u2019s voice: \u201cYou\u2019re right from your side and I\u2019m right from mine\/ we\u2019re both just one two many mornings and a thousand miles behind…\u201d \u2014 it suits my mood: that feeling of we tried so hard and haven\u2019t been able to make it work \u2014 and what do we do now?\u00a0 A sense of being worn out in the struggle \u2014 no energy to try something new, no energy to pack up and move and start a new life somewhere else.<\/p>\n
I am so tired.\u00a0 I realize I\u2019m not eating enough because I\u2019m too tired to cook properly.\u00a0 Or maybe I\u2019m getting enough food but not enough variety? (Written in August 2008) Kayla helped me open up about feeling discouraged and disappointed and ineffective and I finally was able to cry.\u00a0 I\u2019ve been \u201csoldiering on\u201d since the Nia training, and the tears have been building up.\u00a0 I talked … Continue reading
\nI\u2019ve written out three scripts for the drama project (\u201cTelling my Story<\/a>\u201d).\u00a0 They\u2019ll just have to do.\u00a0 I\u2019m too tired to do more.\u00a0 I think it\u2019s emotional and mental tiredness \u2014 a lot of stuff kicked up in the unconscious by this project.\u00a0 I could probably dance if someone else taught.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t walked the dog because I\u2019ve been too tired and it\u2019s been raining.
\nI see that I jumped into the Nia training, and also into this project, because there\u2019s a tremendous pressure of unlived life inside me \u2014 all the things I would have done if I hadn\u2019t been struggling with depression and terror and illness.\u00a0 But it\u2019s too late.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have what it takes to carry it out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"