{"id":1093,"date":"2011-02-14T11:59:49","date_gmt":"2011-02-14T16:59:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1093"},"modified":"2011-12-26T10:44:06","modified_gmt":"2011-12-26T15:44:06","slug":"discontented","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1093","title":{"rendered":"Discontented"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Written in March 2009)
\nI went to Karen.\u00a0 I started reading her the loss history pages \u2014 got to the stuff about Fred and sexual dysfunction, I started to cry, so I just went into it.\u00a0 I cried and screamed and pounded and kicked.\u00a0 I tried to pay attention to what my body wanted and let that happen.\u00a0 Then I was tired and collapsed, curled up & rested.\u00a0 I was exhausted after the session \u2014 it was hard work driving home.
\nDriving over & back I looked for god in the landscape, without success.\u00a0 I looked for a sign, but there was none.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t feel desperate, just open to whatever, without expectations.\u00a0 I also find myself asking \u201cWhat shall I do with the rest of my life?\u201d Again without desperation or much in the way of expectation, I feel very open and empty.\u00a0 I understand that this may go on for a while and I\u2019m OK with that.
\nI feel sad & a little discontented.\u00a0 I think this happens when the worst of the pain is over but I still haven\u2019t started any new projects.\u00a0 I think this is what drives me to do too much \u2014 sign up for workshops etc.\u00a0 This time I want to stay quiet, be with myself in the discontent, love my discontented self if possible, and stay open to a message from Spirit to let me know what to do next.
\n7:44 AM The Equinox just happened.\u00a0 I was looking at the WeMoon calendar & filling in the last few days.\u00a0 I looked at the clock and it was 7:43.\u00a0 That certainly seems like a sign \u2014 that the seasonal changes and sacred calendar are part of my vocation.\u00a0 Synchronistically, Sue Monk Kidd<\/a> also awakened just in time for Equinox during part of her journey.<\/p>\n

“Loss History Pages” are part of the program in The Grief Recovery Handbook<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Written in March 2009) I went to Karen.\u00a0 I started reading her the loss history pages \u2014 got to the stuff about Fred and sexual dysfunction, I started to cry, so I just went into it.\u00a0 I cried and screamed … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,5,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1093","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-depression","category-healing","category-spirit"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1093","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1093"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1093\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1093"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1093"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1093"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}