(Written in March 2007)
\nBleak and cold.\u00a0 No warmth no love anywhere.\u00a0 I tell myself this is what an infant feels when Mom is gone.
\nAnother possibility is that this coldness represents a defense against a worse pain \u2014 I remember when Lynelle said \u201cToo much pain\u201d and I burst into tears.\u00a0 I try to bring softness and kindness \u2014 There, there, little one.\u00a0 It was not OK that she left you alone like that.\u00a0 It was not your fault.\u00a0 You were a beautiful loving creative child and she could not stand it.\u00a0 It was not your fault.\u00a0 You did everything you could.\u00a0 Nothing worked because she was a narcissistic alcoholic, she only paid attention to her own pain and how to numb it.<\/p>\n
Dear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I\u2019m feeling so cold and lost.\u00a0 Please help me. Lynelle came in to say Hi & I told her about being in the place of no love.\u00a0 She affirmed that this is what a baby feels like when Mom is gone. She reminded me that my therapist Karen is away. She suggested I call Karen\u2019s machine to hear her voice.\u00a0 So I did \u2014 alas, the new message was Peter\u2019s voice, but he said \u201cPeter and Karen will be back on April 4\u201d so I know there\u2019s only a week to go and that\u2019s reassuring.\u00a0 Lynelle also said that having this early stuff be so present means it\u2019s healing.\u00a0 I hope she\u2019s right.\u00a0 At least it helped a lot.\u00a0 I\u2019m able to be with myself with compassion which I couldn\u2019t do before. (Written in March 2007) Bleak and cold.\u00a0 No warmth no love anywhere.\u00a0 I tell myself this is what an infant feels when Mom is gone. Another possibility is that this coldness represents a defense against a worse pain \u2014 I … Continue reading
\n Dear Jenny, we love you.\u00a0 We are all around you loving you.\u00a0 Relax and let yourself take it in.\u00a0 You have a hard time accepting it because your mother hurt you so badly.\u00a0 It\u2019s really OK to relax and let yourself take in our love.\u00a0 There, there, dear.\u00a0 You deserved to be cherished, encouraged, and supported.<\/em><\/p>\n
\nI went over to see Kayla and told her how I was feeling.\u00a0 At one point I said \u201cI deserved to be cherished, supported and encouraged\u201d and she said \u201cYes!\u00a0 Completely!\u201d \u2014 which really helped.\u00a0 I really need to hear it from outside.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"