{"id":1038,"date":"2011-01-21T16:07:44","date_gmt":"2011-01-21T21:07:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1038"},"modified":"2013-09-14T14:42:21","modified_gmt":"2013-09-14T18:42:21","slug":"when-the-heart-waits","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/?p=1038","title":{"rendered":"“When the Heart Waits”"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Written in January 2008)
\nI\u2019m tired and discouraged and completely confused about what to do next. Maybe instead of trying to figure it out I could just wait for some guidance from outside, or a clear impulse from inside.
\nReading \u201cWhen the Heart Waits<\/a>\u201d by Sue Monk Kidd for support in this process. The last time I read it I had a hard time with it. I was stuck and angry, still feeling the old \u2018push, push, push!\u2019 Now that has faded. I\u2019m tired & discouraged, but I also have a sense of being back at the beginning, all the old patterns smashed and swept away. I don\u2019t have any energy to start some new project, or get back to some old one. I\u2019m WILLING to wait, in a way it\u2019s a RELIEF to wait, a relief to feel that this is REALLY OK, that God has called me to just sit still for a while.
\nFrom the image of the daffodils, buried too deep but still growing up to flower: \u201c\u2014 those delicate shoots breaking through the soil, through all the darkness I\u2019d heaped on them. I wondered if that was the same mystery going on in the soil of my own life. Was there a truer, more whole self buried in me under layers of heaped darkness?\u201d p46
\n\u201cThere\u2019s a bulb of truth that\u2019s buried in the human soul that\u2019s \u2018only God\u2019.\u201d p47
\n\u201cTo Hildegarde, sin was failing to care for the soul, failing to water it and give it what she called \u201cgreening power.\u201d … \u201cThe soul [is] the seedbed of divine life within us … The soul is the place where we meet God.\u201d p48
\n\u201cWe\u2019ve neglected the unfolding of the God-image within [the soul] … \u201cThe soul wants to be acknowledged and nurtured.\u201d p49
\nShe talks about naming the false selves, naming \u201cthe inner patterns that imprison us.\u201d p59. One that pops out for me is the overachiever: still trying to prove that I deserve to live, I have to do more than I can do naturally. The \u201cTinsel Star\u201d \u2014 \u201cI just stand there and shine.\u201d \u201cThe Star\u2019s task is to discover her own inner light, the divine spark, so that she doesn\u2019t constantly struggle to create light and warmth for herself by giving a lustrous performance.\u201d p62 Another one is \u201cI have to do it all myself.\u201d
\nShe talks about two levels of surrender: one is the work to let go of the things we know are holding us back \u2014 conscious, willed effort. The second is complete letting go of effort, allowing God to do the deep restructuring. \u201cHaving done all we can, we allow God to work directly on the more secret and deeply ingrained attachments we have to self. We allow God to release us through the experiences, encounters, and events<\/em> that come to us.\u201d p107 (Author’s italics)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Written in January 2008) I\u2019m tired and discouraged and completely confused about what to do next. Maybe instead of trying to figure it out I could just wait for some guidance from outside, or a clear impulse from inside. Reading … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,5,19,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1038","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-depression","category-healing","category-interesting-link","category-spirit"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1038","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1038"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1038\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1038"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1038"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jennydeupree.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1038"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}