(Written in November 2010)
\n\tI\u2019ve just read through the document I made of \u201cgood things people have said about me.\u201d I\u2019m thinking of reading it at the ritual but I\u2019m also scared to. Also realize that it\u2019s not that I need to get that I\u2019m some kind of wonderful person. I need to get it that I\u2019m OK just as I am. I\u2019m OK if I\u2019m depressed and crying easily, I\u2019m OK if I have trouble balancing my checkbook, I\u2019m OK if I\u2019m feeling tired and lonely, if I don\u2019t have energy to clean the house and haul in firewood. That I\u2019m OK if I can\u2019t help Lynelle, that I\u2019m OK if I can\u2019t figure out and do the right thing for Bella. I feel tears coming up as I write, and I recognize that it\u2019s ME who needs to learn to love me when I\u2019m helpless, dysfunctional, scared, lonely and vulnerable.
\n\tAt least Bella now seems content to sit next to me on the couch. Yesterday afternoon she\u2019d come sit, but if I moved she\u2019d get down & sit on the rug and look at me intensely, and I\u2019d have to say \u201cI don\u2019t know what you want. If I did, I\u2019d do it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tDear Guides & Guardian Spirits, I\u2019m feeling really lost. Please help me. (Written in November 2010) I\u2019ve just read through the document I made of \u201cgood things people have said about me.\u201d I\u2019m thinking of reading it at the ritual but I\u2019m also scared to. Also realize that it\u2019s not that I … Continue reading
\n\tDear Jenny, we love you and we are sorry you are having a hard time. It is not wrong and bad that your brain isn\u2019t working properly. Randi is coming soon to provide moral support. It\u2019s true you get frightened when you don\u2019t understand what\u2019s happening and you don\u2019t know what to do. Of course you don\u2019t understand what\u2019s happening and how could you possibly know what to do? Let go of this expectation. It was imprinted in your childhood where you were always expected to know things you hadn\u2019t been told, and you were afraid of being abandoned if you didn\u2019t get it right. This is no longer true, but at this moment it certainly feels true. There is no current time pressure. Nothing horrible will happen if you don\u2019t figure it out. It\u2019s OK to not know what to do. You will know the next thing when it happens. Breathe, relax, you\u2019re doing fine. Let yourself feel your weight on the couch. Everything\u2019s OK. Hold the frightened child inside you with compassion.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"