I read a piece on the CAC’s Daily Meditation. It’s about the story of victimization. Of course, a lot of people have had their lives made more difficult by various conditions, poverty, race, gender, etc. I see that the problem of buying into the story of victimization is using at as a sort of excuse for not doing better in your life. But the truth is, that what happened DID affect your life. The problem, according to angel Kyodo williams, is not that you acknowledge you have been wounded, but that you make it be because you are wounded you don’t deserve a better life. I find this really interesting because I once said “If I publish a book, it will prove that I deserve to live even though my parents were disappointed in me.”
Actually, I see that the issue is not to “let go of the story” meaning claim that I was never victimized, nor to say that being victimized has made my life much harder, though that is true. Despite having been victimized, I have worked hard to undo it, and have managed to do more than I might have. But it’s also true, that when I find something too difficult to do, I need to not be angry at myself for not doing well enough, but acknowledge that early trauma has made things difficult and forgive myself.
Astonishingly, I also came to the idea that in some ways being traumatized has been part of my vocation. I see that, like a reporter who goes into the battlefield to report on what is happening there, I may have chosen before this incarnation to have been traumatized, so that I could then report about it. Which is what this blog is all about.