“I gave my life energy to sacred meaning”

From my journal for October 18

Feeling weird.  Woke up feeling weird.  Not sure I can describe it.  I don’t think I have a fever, I found my thermometer, but will have to wait, because I already had a drink. At the thought that I might die I feel relief.

A good session with Erica yesterday.  She said of me “the deepest truth is I gave my life energy to sacred meaning.”  Yes, I think that’s really true.

Thinking about “giving my life energy to sacred meaning.”  Teaching folk dance/sacred dance, teaching astronomy — we live in this astonishing universe.  My search for truth and beauty, and trying to create them.  Building Neskaya.  Certainly my presentation of “Sacred Sites.”  I look at my angels on the wall, and the Ben Shahn.  I think of the Dancer and Red Woman paintings.  I never was interested in money or status.  All I ever wanted to do was share the things I love with people who wanted them.

“I’ve given my life energy to sacred meaning.”  I keep going back to look for it.  I think I’ve got the words now.  I would never have been able to say it that way, but it feels exactly right as a description of what I have done with my life.

Walking Mocha, thinking about dying, I feel so happy.  It must be because Erica named what I have done with my life.  I feel complete.  I feel finished.  Now my prayer is “Thy will be done.” and “Thank You.”

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