Write My Way Down to a Truth

Thursday, November 4

Yesterday was an odd day. It felt disjointed somehow, things did not go smoothly or naturally. I think I kept want to “write my way down to a truth” and not getting to it until finally, just before 3:00 when we went out with dogs.  I got down  to the important thing.  Two things.  One was Matt saying that the wounded parts need to be held, not healed.  The other was just a flash of knowing that Who I am, wounds and all, is fine.  I simply can’t find the words for it.  I’m going to have to track down the Vet’s story.  I used to think that I had to be healed from the trauma in order to “have a life.”  Now I see that I have spent my life in the service of truth.  Not in the attempt to do something “important” in the eyes of the world.  In a sense I gave that up when I saw that “Written in Blood” was coming from a wrong motive.  “To prove that I deserve to live.”  I dropped it, and felt a huge hole in my life, but that was just as Neskaya was coming into being.  Teaching Sacred Dance at Neskaya was clearly my vocation.  But now I’m seeing that rescuing Little Jennys is also a vocation, and it might not have happened if I hadn’t come to Kendal — shepherded just as clearly by the Universe as it guided me to Stonehenge.  The pandemic was also a factor, driving me in on myself and forcing the appearance of all the terrified ones.  I see the whole universe conspiring to guide me on this path, and at the same time I see myself doing it for everyone else, and everyone else working with me to create the wider, more inclusive, participatory, sacred cosmos.  “I am not a somebody, I am not a nobody, I’m a cell in one body filling all space…”

[“I am not a somebody…” is from a song we do a dance to called “Child of the Universe.”]

“Wider” because it’s bigger and more complex than the Big Bang theory, “more inclusive” because Black Lives Matter.  “Participatory” because, as Stuart Kauffman says “We make our world with one another, you, me and the goldfish.”  “Sacred” because God, Spirit, Creator did not create the Universe but became the Universe.

This entry was posted in Journal, Present Day, Spirit, Trauma, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.