From something I wrote in 1996, while I was going through the Summer from Hell:
But the truth is, going over the whole thing in detail again again, writing down exactly what the fear feels like and then seeing how it matches my childhood, results in me feeling much less fearful, much more stable, seeing beyond the shoulders of my parents’ shadows to the possibility of a real Universe, big enough, wild enough, creative enough, compassionate enough, to meet my Soul’s need.
Recently I read the whole statement as part of sharing my “Spiritual Journey” with the Quaker Community in Hanover. What I saw was that if my soul needed a universe that was big, wild, creative and compassionate, then my soul was big, wild, creative, and compassionate, and since my soul is a hologram of the Universe, then the Universe must also be at least as Big, Wild, Creative, and Compassionate as my soul.
Another piece that helped this get deeper in my experience is the book by Thomas Hübl, Healing Collective Trauma. He lists a number of words that humans have used for the concept “God,” and goes on to say:
“Any human word or concept fails to capture the essence of its subject, which to ancient and modern hearts expresses a thing both vast and singular, absolute yet relative, simultaneously many and one, both personal and ineffable, radically manifest and somehow silent and formless.
“A quality both immanent and transcendent.
“It is impossible to give a name to a divine paradox.” p30
This made so much sense!! That’s why sometimes “God” appears covered with a sheet, or comments right away, and then I have an experience like the “Ocean of Compassion” where I could feel the compassion, but there was no person. The being that talks to me, and the impersonal universe I try to comprehend are both Divine Source. As I am in the process of getting this, I see a huge transparent woman, a look of complete tenderness on her face, holding out her hands toward me, and I feel held in warmth.