I forgot to mention that the title to a recent post: “I surrender, my life is unmanageable,” is AA’s first step. It’s necessary to give up and let go before you are ready to let God into your life. It’s a place I’ve come to many times. Today what’s hard is that I’ve started a new medication, at the urging of friends, who are worried because my depressions have been so bad. I don’t know whether it’s the medication or my fears about the medication, but I’m feeling like there is no presence of Spirit in the world.
I wanted to share this quote from Father Greg Boyle, who works with gang members in the toughest slum in Los Angeles. “But the truth is, you know, we’re so used to a God, a one-false-move God, and so we’re not really accustomed to the no-matter-whatness of God, to the God who’s just plain old too busy loving us to be disappointed in us.”
I also wanted to share this poem that was sent to me by my friend Elizabeth. It addresses how I’m feeling and strengthens me.
A Prayer
Refuse to fall down.
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled,
and it will be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you
from lifting your heart
toward heaven –
only you.
It is in the middle of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening.