Cape Cod Dance Camp

The long break is because I went to a Dance Camp on Cape Cod, and I didn’t take my computer (!) I did take my journal but didn’t write much.  I really enjoyed the camp, good people, good dances, good food!  Looking back at it, I also see that I was experiencing everything very differently from in the past, which tells me how much I have healed.  I never had one of those times when I feel like I don’t belong, and go hide in my room and cry, and creep back into the circle trying to be invisible.  I was able to sit still and enjoy: watching the others dance, watching the waves at the beach, hanging out with people & not having to talk.  I only got triggered once, and the person who did it immediately knew what effect it had on me, and apologized at once.  I think that’s the first time that’s ever happened to me, and it was a very healing thing.  Usually the people who trigger me have no idea and I have to go away and process it, sometimes even need a therapist, before I can begin to be comfortable with them again.
I was able to enjoy the blue sky and white clouds, the rain (we had a little at the beginning), the bright green leaves, the pine needles and cones on the paths, the gentle breeze, the gusts of wind.  I didn’t get overwhelmed by lots of people, lots of talking, traffic, stores, noise when we drove to the beach, even the beach despite the fact that there was about 1 person per square yard of sand as far as I could see in either direction. (My scientist got in here and complained and did the math, it would probably be more correct to say that there was one person per six square yards of sand.) (Also, people were in clumps, so there were clumps of space between them.) When walking on the beach proved difficult — slanted wet sand, dry sand as hard to walk in as snow — I went and sat on my towel & watched the waves & watched people going in & out of the water, and enjoyed myself thoroughly.  Depression restricts and deadens the capacity for enjoyment, so not only was camp fun because of the fun things, it was also fun because I could REALLY THOROUGHLY enjoy it.  (Good for me!) 8)

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