(Written in February 2006)
A good session with Peter. Dog barked in the hall and I started telling him about Paula whose dog barks at all hours of the night. I said I couldn’t call the cops on her then, but I could now. He caught the body motion — and suggested I stay with it — a protective fierceness. The “unwobbling pivot” down the center of my trunk, bigger than sometimes and made of bone or some living material. I took some time with it — then he suggested that I either be it, or be inside of it. I could manage being inside, and then was able to relax within that cylinder of protection. I had said earlier something about a baby that should have been protected. There was also a moment of fierce eyes, and practicing fierce eyes, and melting mother’s icy stare with twin laser beams. (With some glee! Peter really supports the glee!) I remembered dancing in the volcano and energizing my aura with anger. I see now that we were practicing a fiercely protective mother who can protect Baby Jenny from her cold rejecting Mom. I can feel that energy activated as I write, I can feel it around me, keeping out cold Mom. Now I don’t feel alone in a cold empty universe. That cold empty universe was Mom not the real universe.
In the S.E. training, they told us that if you were working with someone who had been traumatized in infancy, who had never had the chance to learn to stand up for themselves, the practitioner sometimes had to invoke a “helper” from outside, maybe even a fictional hero, for protection.