(Written in March 2008)
At Kripalu. Being on the 4th floor has meant a lot of running up & down stairs. Such a relief to be without fear and without depression.
Yes, I’m taking a break, a break from pushpushpush, a break from making decisions. I feel a very slight quivering in my stomach — perhaps it’s fear that I will miss some opportunity, fail to do something necessary, get completely off the track — and as I write them I can see the childhood conditioning, and also the lack of truth. If I miss an opportunity for something essential it will always come around again. The Universe is always offering me what I need. And as soon as I pay attention, I can see how securely my path holds me. I don’t think there is any danger of straying from it at this point.
As Jane and I came back from our walk, I spotted a wasp in the road — moving very slowly. Obviously he was cold. I didn’t want him to get stepped on, so I picked him (her?) up and put him at the feet of the statue at the entrance. Jane was astonished. I said “I’m a member in good standing of the insect rescue league.” It’s a good reminder that things I do because they are obvious to me can be teachings and revelations for other people.
Danced by the wall during the chanting this morning. Jane was blown away, and another woman came up to me afterward & said how beautiful it was. I told them both it was my spiritual practice. What I was trying to do was reflect the music/chant with my body, and also move in a way that was pleasurable — given that my ankles still hurt, my hip is still sore, and my right shoulder still problematical. So I danced as gently and whole body as I could. (Learned from Nia) Every now and then (the chant was Durga, one I love) I experienced an uprush of joy & expressed it totally & then went back to the gentle rhythmical moving.