Saturday, July 20
Dear Guides & Guardian Spirits, I am having a very hard time. Please help me.
Dear Jenny, your fear has been triggered and you are very much in a baby state. You are feeling pretty completely helpless. The visit with your siblings didn’t help because your old feelings of being an inadequate parent to your younger siblings got triggered. The whole pattern of being expected to do something you really can’t do, and being given no help and support, has been triggered. You are feeling totally helpless, that you can’t do what you are being expected to do, and that something unimaginably terrible will happen to you if you don’t do it. This was your fear as a baby and as a growing child. The only area in which you felt competent was the realm of intellect. It didn’t help that your visit to your siblings was preceded by the visit with Barbara and Roger, which was overwhelming because everything was new — now I’m running out of ink and that kicks up the fear that I will have to get to Staples — Dear Jenny, everything is too hard for you at the moment. You are also feeling abandoned by both Erica and Dulany, the weather is very hot which is hard for you to deal with, and the whole problem of getting to dance camp is being too much right now because you are so badly triggered. It would help if you could tell people that you are triggered and too scared to function, but it is very likely they wouldn’t understand. Another problem is that you are on the third floor at Pat’s, that means a lot of stairs and your knee is giving you trouble. You are badly triggered and you are dealing with a lot. We love you very much and wish that we could just materialize as helpful people to help you get through this. Maybe the best thing would be to just go ahead and cancel dance camp. — I feel a tremendous amount of relief — Dear dear Jenny, there is so much love around you right now. We wish that you could feel it, but you are too badly triggered. We are all around you anyway, we won’t leave you. Go back to the words of Eben Alexander: “You are loved, totally and completely. There is nothing you can do wrong.”
Barbara and Roger are new friends.
Erica couldn’t talk with me on Friday. When she told me that, several weeks ago, I was feeling fine and thought it wouldn’t matter.
Dulany was sick. But a baby doesn’t understand that Mom is sick, she just knows that no one is there.
I did cancel going to Dance Camp. It helped a little, but the fear is not about going to camp. It’s about being able to handle the logistics.