Identity Confusion/Conflict (for lack of a better title)

Friday, June 8

Don’t know how to start.  So odd.  I read what I wrote down that Elizabeth said in our phone conversation — “Identity in flux” — yes that’s exactly my experience.

“Attachment repair” — homies seeking to “re-identify”  Barking to the Choir p16  Find identity through someone who loves you, not someone who is jealous and threatened and projecting self-hate.

Saturday, June 9

Very intense session with Erica.  I read her the two blog entries about “wild and precious life.”  (April 2013, August 2010)  I cried as I read.  There was also a quote from Father Greg about the homies needing to “re-identify” as the repair for the attachment wound.  I see that I am struggling to replace the felt sense of myself as someone selfish, unkind, rigidly virtuous, with a felt sense of myself as someone worthwhile, with something to give to others.  “I have fought like a demon against oppression.”

Had a very different experience at dinner.  I sat at the long table.  I think D has had to go to the health center — he’s had too many falls, and his mind isn’t quite right.  For me, that lifts a blight.  He made lots of negative comments.  I sat next to Sabra and across from Margaret and Lorraine.  I think because my spirits had been so lifted by the narrative medicine class, and the talk with Erica, I was able to converse easily and even contribute.  I talked about the class, and also — I don’t remember exactly how we got to it — Lorraine had said something about how the teacher was important, and I started talking about Miss Hill, and assumptions, and cosmology.

Note: Father Greg Boyle wrote Tattoos on the Heart, about his work with gang members in Los Angeles.

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