Written on Saturday, January 2, 2016
I had a number of learnings, things I suddenly saw were true, late in 2015. I decided to write them all down. I planned to take one every day and think about it. And I did it for a few days, but then somehow, without intending to, I stopped doing it. In spite of wanting to find/design a daily spiritual practice, this happened over and over until a couple of weeks ago.
1) Depression is a big deal, I have courage, strength and persistence to have managed any sort of life at all.
2) I’ve started to take in the positive feedback Erica gives.
3) I am big enough to make a loving container for the broken parts.
4) My depression is NOT MY FAULT.
5) My depression is not a sin or a moral weakness.
6) Even while depressed, knowing it won’t last forever.
7) Realized that my emotions (“empty sophistication”) are not who I am. How I feel emotionally is not the truth of who I am.
8) Realized that I’m not either the “creative one” or the “broken one” — although my experience of one tends to make the other disappear. But I am both at once.
I knew these intellectually, was quite sure of their truth, but they didn’t operate in my life at all.