Bodhisattva Vow

Written in July 2009

I can’t remember the session with Caryn very well.  I went back to my corner and told her how I had gotten “too big” and needed to pull back.  I had brought the doll I had made and I held her and cried a lot.  Caryn said something about the physiology of grief, how it helped disconnect things in the brain.  I did some subtle discharge, and she gave me detailed feedback.  I said how meaningful had been her image of the chord, feeling several feelings at once, and told her how I had been able to have both my sadness and the beauty of the day.  She said I was widening the banks of consciousness to include more life energy.  Even when I don’t fully understand what she’s saying, I think her feedback is giving me the kind of mirroring I didn’t get in childhood.  I told her how I had healed from the airplane phobia, and then cried and mourned for the 14 years in bondage to fear of planes and airports.  So much life wasted.  At one point, I don’t know why the thought came to me, maybe it was the memory of Deena saying the greatest Bodhisattvas are found in the deepest hells, I thought that if I were a Bodhisattva who had chosen this lifetime for the purpose of healing, then I wouldn’t feel that it had been wasted at all.  I told Caryn about the exercise with Deena and how when I heard the call to return to earth, my heart went out to the blue-green planet — Oh! Earth! — and I stood right up, ready to go back.  O my.  If that were true.  I sit here feeling a kind of amazed joy.   Caryn said I embodied compassion — I said “to be the change you want to see in the world.”

The Bodhisattva Vow is to keep returning to life on earth until all living beings are enlightened.

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