My house has a cupola. It’s not big enough to climb into,
but it has a light. When they were building the house,
and I was living across the street at Neskaya, Greg put a work light in the cupola so I could see it from across
the street. It gave me a nice warm feeling, like there
was somewhere safe to go. There’s been a light up there ever since, except for a couple of times when I
was so badly depressed I felt that my light had
gone out. Most of the time I see it as a symbol, like the Statue of Liberty I hold my torch high to say that another world is possible.
(Written in November 2004)
Sitting here thinking about the light in the cupola, how it supports me emotionally, and the fire supports me too, even tho it’s not as efficient to add logs slowly. I feel bad about the “waste of resources” and tune into the elementals —— and they say they are glad to give to support me emotionally. “This is what wealth is for, to support the soul.” There’s a spirit in this house that holds and comforts me, loves and supports me. So much love has gone into the building of it — and now I find it’s all still here, surrounding me with warmth. I do my best to take it in.
(Written in July 2005)
Dear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I’m pretty totally discouraged and bummed out. I’m ready to quit and stop trying.
Dear Jenny, it’s absolutely fine for you to “quit” and “stop trying”. You are making a passage, and you know how to do this passage, and it means complete surrender — which is not the same thing as “quitting”. Yes, stop “trying”, trying and effort are getting you no where. You must just trust that there is a process and it is carrying you through. We think you should do art, as best you can without pushing yourself. Turning your light off is OK, as a signal that you are in retreat, but your light is not really off. In offering yourself to the process of darkness, descent, not-knowing, not-doing, you are still a beacon in dark times. All the damage in the world is being done by people who are refusing to make this passage.