Yesterday was pretty tough. Even massage didn’t help, though it let me get a clear image of the isolation I was feeling. This morning things feel more normal. Even though I’m all alone here, people have energy bodies that extend and sometimes overlap, and then there are threads of connection between us all. I had no idea I’d come to feel that way until I experienced the other way. I think that sense of isolation was how it was for a lot of my life, and changed so gradually I wasn’t aware of it changing.
I’ve been reading Maisie Dobbs, and finding comfort reading about people struggling with PTSD. In one book, she is talking to someone who also went through the war, and says how good it is to be with someone who knows. Alas, reading Winter Solstice, a book I usually enjoy, just made me feel lonelier because I don’t have relationships like the ones she describes, and I feel bereft because there’s no one to rescue me.
Feeling lonely and bereft of spirit. I’ve got a candle lit and Bella curled up next to me. Recently I was introduced to the idea that faith is not good feelings, faith is a stand you can take, a choice you can make.
I choose to believe that the universe is benevolent. I choose to believe that “All things work together for good.” I choose to believe that the creative spirit that is continually birthing the universe is hugely loving and deeply merciful, and shares in our triumphs and joys, our defeats and sorrows.