New Mantra

The most important question a person can ask is, “Is the Universe a friendly place?”
Albert Einstein

The friend who asked me if I was holding on to my misery told me “I think you are doing amazing work to pick yourself up and move forward.”  Wow, what a shift in my mood — I could feel myself dropping a load of anger and shame.  I wish I weren’t so vulnerable to what other people say to me.  This particular idea is a trigger for me because when I was a teenager, my father told me I “wanted to be miserable.”  I wrote it in my journal, “I don’t want to be miserable,”  but I didn’t know how not to be.  I had no idea about PTSD, clinical depression, the consequences of alcoholic parents.  When I tried and tried and kept being miserable, I think I began to believe that somehow I must be making it happen.

Then I started reading Marianne Williamson’s book “The Law of Divine Compensation,” in which she starts talking about changing your thinking.  This always makes me angry because I have worked so hard to change my thinking.  I always catch negative thoughts and contradict them.  When I find myself saying “I just want to die” I tell myself “You don’t want to die, you want a life that works.”  When I feel like my life is worthless, I say to myself “This is not reality, this is brain chemistry.”

These two comments coming so close together were like being hit in the face & asked to look more closely, look at the actual situation.  I don’t have negative thoughts, but I do have negative feelings.  I saw that I needed to make the context bigger, and the statement more positive, so I worked on the idea that the universe supports me, which is certainly NOT what I’ve been feeling the last couple of weeks.

So I thought about my understanding of the universe that I know from astronomy and from other scientific studies like the mathematics of chaos.  The universe is beautiful, interconnected, complex and creative — the universe is unbelievably beautiful, extraordinarily complex, intricately interconnected, and outrageously creative.  Just writing up a description of that universe, that I know so well, shifts both my feeling and my thinking.  Of course that universe wants what’s best for me, how could it want anything else?

My new mantra is “the universe is unbelievably beautiful, extraordinarily complex, intricately interconnected, and outrageously creative.”

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