(At Kripalu with Jack Kornfield, December 2008)
I had a talk with Little Jenny. I told her that her mother was mean to her because she was jealous of Little Jenny’s authenticity. That she herself was hurting and avoiding feeling the pain, and one way to avoid feeling it was to be mean to her daughter. Little Jenny wasn’t really able to get it, she kept saying things like “You mean it wasn’t my fault?” “You mean I’m not bad?” “I just wanted to make her happy.” I could see her baffled pain, and I could see Marshall & the baby jackal puppet giving a cry of pain, and the soft furry animal cut in two on the highway. I’m thinking I may need to spend a lot of time talking to Little Jenny.
Wanted to make a note of what happened when I did the lovingkindness meditation for W as an enemy. It was surprisingly easy to wish her well, and I found I didn’t really care if it worked or not. Whereas, when I do the lovingkindness meditation for Eleanor, I’m making a big effort (which I haven’t been aware of) as though if I could just do it right, it would make a difference for her. Sigh.
Well, I really am pretty bummed out. I’m unable to be present to my experience of depression with any kind of acceptance at all. I just want to stop feeling so dead and dry and hateful and stuck. What would be skillful means right here & now?
There, there, dear, you are having a pretty bad time. I think I’m too tired even to write for guidance. I’ll just go to bed.
Marshall Rosenberg developed NonViolent Communication. In NVC language “Giraffe” is speaking from the heart, “Jackal” is reacting in culturally conditioned ways. Marshall uses puppets to illustrate the two languages. Giraffe and Jackal are not ways of categorizing people, just their language.