(Written in August 2009)
I did have a number of waves of fear yesterday, but none of them lasted very long which is encouraging. Told Beverly about my project of compiling all the good experiences into a document that I read every day, how feeling good about myself is pushing against the ancient injunction “Don’t think you’re so great.” Sitting here writing I remind myself that my commitment is not just to love the part of me that is “good” but to love all of me: the Shambhala warrior and the traumatized baby, the priestess who leads the dance, and the tough little drip that just wouldn’t quit. Imagining this little group of Jennys warms my heart.
Second cup of tea. I’m feeling very sad this morning, and also that odd feeling of having no motivation. I’m doing my best to just be with it. It really helped yesterday when I imagined all the Jennys from the traumatized baby to the Shambhala warrior. And I’m feeling better now. That’s so amazing! Yes, I welcome all the parts of me in, whatever you have done or not done, I love you all.