Discouraged

(Written in August 2008)
I’m finding it hard to accept that I need to keep taking 50mg imipramine just to be able to keep going.  It feels like such a defeat, such a proof that I’m a weakling.  I was so proud that all my hard work in Somatic Experiencing had brought me to a place where it was possible to have the experience of what it would be like to live a “real life.” But I can’t stay at that level.  I don’t have the strength, and I don’t have the support of a community.  So I blame myself for not having what it takes.  But do I blame someone struggling with poverty for not having “what it takes”, not being willing to work hard?  No, because I know that the mechanics of Western Industrial Culture have made poverty inevitable.  Just as the same mechanics have meant that large numbers of us, struggling with invisible childhood wounds, have been unable to live out our real potential for creating a healthy and sustainable society.  So, despite having been born with “all the advantages” I too am one of “the poor.”

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