Tough Day

(Written in June 2004)
Rough day yesterday.  A lot of fear & sense of alienation from my life.  A beautiful day but I wasn’t really present to it, etc.  A lot of pain about the ecological crisis, letter from Barbara Kingsolver about the animal species headed for extinction, the potential disaster of global warming — and feeling bad again about my house, so unsustainably built — It occurred to me this morning that my house is like me — a mixed bag of creativity and health and disfunction.  I can love it, even tho it’s not “perfect” — I can even love its “imperfection” as I love the battered and starved baby just as she is.  Can I love myself too, love my mistakes and unconsciousness?  I feel a softening, tears coming.  Dear Jenny, I do love you, I love your brilliances and your mistakes, your creativity and your inhibitions, your passion and your blindness — you are doing the best you can with a truly difficult set of factors.

“Shamans know that those wounds are not their own but the world’s.” (Matthew Fox)

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