(Written in January 2010)
I enjoyed my talk with Elizabeth. I started out telling her how scared I’ve been and how exhausted. I read her my list of affirmations, she said they sounded like Yankee values: hard working, thrifty, etc. So I added some fun ones. I told her I thought the fear might be because I’m pushing the envelope: getting my slide show back together, offering to do astronomy at the White Mountain School. Talking about the slide show really cheered me up. Elizabeth said she thought she’d seen it.
I also told her a lot of the story of my life. 1964: Astronomy, Stonehenge, Fire Festivals, Folk Dance. How I manifested the trip with Cara. Ricky’s trip and meeting Louise in Rennes. She found it fascinating. (!) It was fun to tell it to a sympathetic listener.
O yes, I guess I was telling those stories to Elizabeth to remind myself how there was help for things that I was “meant” to do. So I wonder about the “glitch” in the projector. Foto Factory says they will have to send it somewhere. I think I’ll ask around, maybe try it myself first.
(Written in February 2010)
The session with Caryn was very low key. I went to my corner, but sat up on my cushion. Told her about the last few days, about trying to create a blog on Google’s template and ending up frustrated and activated. (How does that feel in your body?) A very fine grained mix of tense frustrated pieces and energized pieces. Then I began to feel tired so I just lay down. Noticed how much bigger and softer my breathing is. I told Caryn about being reminded of Schlomo Carlebach and starting to collect good memories. O yes, I also told her about what I think are flashbacks to painful (probably lonely) times in my childhood & how they only came when I was alone. But I think they stopped once I figured that out. I got through last Saturday alone OK. (Well I did have a visit with Lynelle.) Then I felt really tired so I just lay down. I did have moments of imagining a movement, but my body wasn’t really interested. It felt good to just lie down feeling comfortable. I talked to Caryn about odd little things that came up. It was like a conversation lying beside a campfire. I told Caryn about my feeling that my life had been wasted because I didn’t have a storehouse of good memories. She asked “What would the Buddha say?” and I laughed. He’d say right now is all that matters.