(Written in February 2009)
Very hard to get up this morning. I’m tired & nauseous & weak & have no energy or enthusiasm for doing anything. I did send the email asking for help to Janet, and similar ones to Pat and Ann, and got immediate and wonderful responses. I also called Judy Brubaker who was very sweet. “We’ll get you through,” she said. I felt very moved & softened by the response.
I see Dr. Seigle today. I sure hope he can help me. I have no idea what’s going on with me any more. I can’t even tell if I’m terrified or depressed. The symptom of terror is the nausea, the symptom of depression is that nothing means anything, everything is hard work, even solitaire and puzzles. I can barely cook & eat & walk the dog. I don’t know how long it’s been since I showered or washed my hair, I’ve been wearing the same clothes for weeks. I have managed to do my 40 minutes of meditation a day, usually in the evening, and it has felt like a refuge.