(Written in January 2010)
Dear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I’m feeling pretty awful. I’m not even sure whether I’m scared or sad, but I feel so tired and weak. Can you help me?
Dear Jenny, take a big step back. Here’s this woman, who works very hard to do good in her life. She always tries her best to act with compassion and kindness. But a lot of her life is a struggle because of the debilitating effects of post traumatic stress. She lives with a jarred mechanism of body and nervous system, that makes it difficult to feel comfortable in her own body. She also struggles with a negative self-image that resulted from her mother’s inability to see her daughter as someone separate and distinct from herself. She also struggles with letting her real “big” self appear in the world, because her mother was jealous of her creativity, exuberance, and intelligence, and she learned to be ashamed of them. So her life is a long struggle with dysfunctional woundings from her earliest years, and rare times of being able to enact her creativity and generosity in the world. Dear Jenny, even though you find it so hard to enact your big self in the world, you are still able to do a lot of good. All your work to heal yourself helps change the world even when you are not successful. We love you, Dear Jenny, and we wish you could feel and take in our love, but we know that’s very hard for you to do.