Category Archives: Journal

Being Present to the Beauty of Nature

For a long time, because of trying to heal PTSD, and opening up all the pain I have been dissociated from, I was unable to enjoy the beauty of Nature as I had when I was younger.  Things are changing. … Continue reading

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Tough Time

Sunday, April 28 I’m going through a very difficult time.  The bad news from the outer world doesn’t help at all.  I feel like I’m living in a war zone.  I am living in a war zone, between the people … Continue reading

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Bababadalgharagh…..denenthurnuk!

Friday, April 14 I wrote this this morning , trying to understand what is going on in my psyche.  It actually produced something that helped make sense of the many issues I am juggling.  “Keep the pen moving” is an … Continue reading

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What it’s like to live with PTSD

This is a series of journal entries from June 2016.  I think it gives an immediate sense of what my life is like. Driving home it was a glorious day, blue sky, white clouds, green trees, enough breeze to make … Continue reading

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Pictures of Little Jenny

Wednesday, March 1 Tough morning.  Very hard to get up.  I’m feeling grief — but it’s more stuck grief — o god do I have to do this again?  I prayed for help but nothing came.  Yesterday’s session with Erica … Continue reading

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Guidance

I don’t know when I stopped asking my Guides and Guardian Spirits for guidance.  I didn’t stop consciously for some reason, I just stopped and only realized it when a lot of time had gone by.  Recently I was with friends, … Continue reading

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Resistance to Feeling My Pain

Saturday, January 14 Woke up early feeling scared.  Not terror — this is ordinary scared.  In fact I’m starting to wonder if how I’ve been feeling the last couple of days isn’t how I used to feel all the time. … Continue reading

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Trying to Integrate the Past

Thursday, January 5 Feeling a little cranky, angry? unhappy?  No, I think there’s anger there.  The old anger “I have worked so hard for so long…” I’m lost and confused.  I don’t understand what’s going on with me.  I’m not … Continue reading

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Step One: admitted that my life is unmanageable

Written a month ago, but explains very well what I’m feeling now. Feeling a little wobbly and a little nauseous.  Gosh — I feel scattered and confused.  What does it need?  A container.  Can’t seem to focus or to collect … Continue reading

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Struggle to Lift My Heart

Rosten, quoted by Fox, in Hildegard:  “The purpose of life is not to be happy.  The purpose of life is to matter; to have it make a difference that you lived at all.”  p xi I like that a lot, … Continue reading

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