Category Archives: Journal

Good for me!

I typed all that up and made a draft of a blog post.  It took me all day.  I added a part about early trauma affecting the development of the brain, how that makes it harder to heal.  When I … Continue reading

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Struggle with Feelings of Failure

from my journal for Monday, October 15 I am having a really hard time.  I had planned to pick up my meds between 8-9AM.  I got up at 7, so tired, so hard to get out of bed.  Did usual … Continue reading

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Early Thoughts on Dysfunctional Parents

These were all written in my journal for 1965-66.  I had travelled in Europe with my friend and classmate Bettie Cartwright, and was spending the year in the house where I grew up in Cincinnati. Dec 25, 1965 Thoughts on … Continue reading

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The “Colonial Dames Incident.”

Not quite sure when this happened.  I think the late 80’s because it was after my father had died.  I was down at the family summer house on the coast of Maine.  We were on the front porch, my mother, … Continue reading

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Profoundly Discouraged

from my journal for Saturday, September 8 In my session with Erica we didn’t talk much — I didn’t have a lot to say.  I told her about the odd blank times — how sometimes it was a relief, and … Continue reading

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Wanting to Die

From my journal for Tuesday, July 31 Feeling pretty lost.  Still very tired.  Woke up OK, but then started thinking uncomfortable thoughts.  Thought about — of all things — that detox foot bath that will probably not find a good … Continue reading

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Seeing my Life as a Task

From my journal for Monday, July 30: In Franconia.  I look around my house and see things that need to be dealt with and my heart hurts.  Why would my heart hurt when I see something that needs to be … Continue reading

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Process of Understanding What I’m up Against

This is what I wrote in my journal this morning.  It shows how I actually use writing to understand myself better.  This process began with a realization that “I’ve had the sense that reading thrillers addictively was in an attempt … Continue reading

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Issue of Control

July 10 Fear came up.  The cold vibration in my diaphragm.  It didn’t fade so I stayed with it.  Tried to meditate — actually maybe I did finally hold on to the lovingkindness prayer for myself.  Somewhere along the way … Continue reading

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Grief about my Life

Journal entry from Friday, July 6 Grief for my life “bleeding away in hard dark places, among the cold faces…”  What would it mean to have a real life?  I think of Oliver Sacks saying “I have loved much and … Continue reading

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