Category Archives: Journal

Looking Straight at the Ending of my Life

My friend Elizabeth sent me a link to a talk by Stephen Jenkinson.  It didn’t do much for me, so I didn’t follow it up.  More recently she sent me a link to a short film about Nights of Grief … Continue reading

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The Arctic is Burning, the Amazon is Burning

I spent some time last week being totally freaked out about global warming.  Through some synchronicities (see previous post) I was helped to understand how it related to my childhood trauma of being abandoned by my mother.  The panic subsided, … Continue reading

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Struggle to understand why I’ve been so freaked out…

I haven’t posted for a while because I’ve been having a very hard time.  The usual brain not working, often feeling shaky and weak, feeling burdened by so many unresolved things, unable to think what to do next, finding it … Continue reading

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Gaslighting, Again

This actually starts with me being caught by a scam.  It involved an email from a woman I know slightly here at Kendal.  It involved a request to buy 3 $100 iTunes for her grandson.  I said I really couldn’t … Continue reading

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Dark Night of the Soul, Again

Saturday, August 3 3rd cup of tea.  When I went out to walk Mocha, my legs felt very weak.  I decided I needed grounding, so tried to feel my legs and my feet contacting the earth.  Mocha went down the … Continue reading

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Another Sojourn in the Pit

Journal for Thursday, August 1 3rd cup of tea:  It was beautiful outside when I walked Mocha, cool, sunny, sparkling.  But I could not experience it.  This mood doesn’t have the weight of depression, it’s more a sense of why … Continue reading

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3rd Cup of Tea

This 3rd cup writing illustrates another principle I use in my life:  I take a lot of things that happen as signs from the universe or spirit or whoever.  For example, if I’m thinking something particular and a bird lands … Continue reading

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About 3rd Cup of Tea Writing

My usual morning routine is to make a cup of tea, write while drinking it, make a second and do the same.  Then I usually have a smoothie with fiber in it, feed the dog, get dressed, make my own … Continue reading

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Trying to Figure out WHY I Got So Terrified

Excerpts from my journal trying to understand about the terrified feeling, what triggered it, why it seemed different from how it has happened before.  The last time I felt that kind of terror was when I flew to California for … Continue reading

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Two Whole Weeks of Terror, February 1971

from my journal.  entries are undated.  A lot of this is in a post from January 2016 how calmly does the olive branch observe the sky begin to blanch without a cry, without a prayer with no betrayal of despair…  … Continue reading

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