Category Archives: Depression

What it’s like to live with PTSD

This is a series of journal entries from June 2016.  I think it gives an immediate sense of what my life is like. Driving home it was a glorious day, blue sky, white clouds, green trees, enough breeze to make … Continue reading

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Struggle with Old Patterns

I’ve been reading over my journal for 2016, trying to see if there’s any pattern to my life.  This was written in June.  It’s an example of how I work to understand something through writing. While I was at Barbara’s, … Continue reading

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Pictures of Little Jenny

Wednesday, March 1 Tough morning.  Very hard to get up.  I’m feeling grief — but it’s more stuck grief — o god do I have to do this again?  I prayed for help but nothing came.  Yesterday’s session with Erica … Continue reading

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A Co-dependent Child

The original title of this post was about my denial.  Fairly soon after I had saved the first draft, I realized that it wasn’t really denial.  Denial is when you are faced with evidence, but refuse to believe it.  The … Continue reading

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Utterly Defeated by Life

I’m feeling utterly defeated by life.  It takes every scrap of will I have to get up and go through my morning routine.  I no longer do my stretches because I take the dog out during that time.  I’m pretty … Continue reading

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May 1970

Yesterday I said to my therapist “I have the illusion that I’m not a loving person.”  O my.  Words that come out of my mouth like that are true.  So I have to really get it.  Reminded me that once, … Continue reading

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To be Loved or Hurt?

Monday I told Lynelle that I couldn’t imagine that Erica could help me.  I have an appointment with her tomorrow.  Lynelle suggested I have a conversation with the part that is trying to protect me.  Who is the one in … Continue reading

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Hope

“Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism.  It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.” — Václav Havel, Disturbing the Peace I’m … Continue reading

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PEACE. LOVE. JUSTICE. MERCY. TRUTH. HOPE.

PEACE.  LOVE.  JUSTICE.  MERCY.  TRUTH.  HOPE. This has been my mantra during these days of darkness.  I wanted to put a positive intention out there, and to remind myself of the things I really value.  But I have crashed really … Continue reading

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Rescuing Another Little Jenny

Woke up feeling utterly bleak.  Actually this is worse than bleak.  It feels like everyone has died and I’m left all alone.  It’s not really sad, sad is much easier to bear because it’s moving.  This is not moving, it’s … Continue reading

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