Category Archives: Depression

Looking at Jenny from Outside

I have been struggling with the question of whether I “love” life.  It’s something Stephen Jenkinson talks about, something that can become very strong when you realize that you are really going to die.  I hear people say they love … Continue reading

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Early Writings

Friday, September 27 Forgot to write that yesterday, in the middle of everything else — or maybe it was the day before — I got out some of my journal binders and started reading from the very first pieces.  I … Continue reading

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Death Stories

I’ve been collecting death stories for a long time. The first is from my ancestor Jenny Murdoch. I’ve been told a story about her, I like to think of her as my mother’s mother’s mother, but it’s too late to … Continue reading

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Dark Night of the Soul, Again

Saturday, August 3 3rd cup of tea.  When I went out to walk Mocha, my legs felt very weak.  I decided I needed grounding, so tried to feel my legs and my feet contacting the earth.  Mocha went down the … Continue reading

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The Pain/Grief Underneath

Pulled out of that dead place quickly, Thank You! First thing that helped was telling my friend Elizabeth.  She made sympathetic noises and told me she loved me, always much more helpful than making suggestions for how to get out. … Continue reading

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Another Sojourn in the Pit

Journal for Thursday, August 1 3rd cup of tea:  It was beautiful outside when I walked Mocha, cool, sunny, sparkling.  But I could not experience it.  This mood doesn’t have the weight of depression, it’s more a sense of why … Continue reading

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“A time when you didn’t even guess that you were happy…”

I have been happy for days.  Something so unusual I can remember the times it happened in the past.  Winter Solstice at Stanstead.  Driving back from the first session of Writers for Recovery.  Seeing the chickadees coming to the feeder … Continue reading

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The Story of My Name

I wrote this recently in a writing group: I was named Jean for my mother, but they called me “Jenny” to differentiate me from my mother who was called “Pidge.”  I was told that “Jenny” had come from a great-great … Continue reading

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Don’t Want to Live

Originally posted on September 23, 2011 (Written in June 2004) Dear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I’m having a pretty bad time.  I wanted to die this morning — I’m just sick & tired of being Jenny — she’s too much … Continue reading

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Wanting to Live my “Big Life”

This was originally posted on September 16, 2011.  It’s such a good analysis of my typical breakdown.  It was also a little shocking to find a relatively serious breakdown in 2003.  I always think of the one in 2008, and … Continue reading

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