Category Archives: Depression

Turnaround in the Pit

I’ve been feeling like a combination of the Dan Siegel material, the diagnosis of macular degeneration, and reading my early journals brought me to a place where I feel beyond redemption.  I think of this as the Pit, a deep … Continue reading

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Spending Time at the Bottom of the Pit

Friday morning, November 29, I watched a Dan Siegel talk on “Presence, Parenting, and Planet.”  It was great.  It was easy to see why I’ve had such a struggle.  Neither Mom nor Dad was capable of being present.  I was … Continue reading

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Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving, and I was thinking how I’m thankful for so many things, but I’m not feeling gratitude for the headache I woke up with, or for the trouble with my eyes.  It reminds me of a letter to … Continue reading

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Looking at Jenny from Outside

I have been struggling with the question of whether I “love” life.  It’s something Stephen Jenkinson talks about, something that can become very strong when you realize that you are really going to die.  I hear people say they love … Continue reading

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Early Writings

Friday, September 27 Forgot to write that yesterday, in the middle of everything else — or maybe it was the day before — I got out some of my journal binders and started reading from the very first pieces.  I … Continue reading

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Death Stories

I’ve been collecting death stories for a long time. The first is from my ancestor Jenny Murdoch. I’ve been told a story about her, I like to think of her as my mother’s mother’s mother, but it’s too late to … Continue reading

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Dark Night of the Soul, Again

Saturday, August 3 3rd cup of tea.  When I went out to walk Mocha, my legs felt very weak.  I decided I needed grounding, so tried to feel my legs and my feet contacting the earth.  Mocha went down the … Continue reading

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The Pain/Grief Underneath

Pulled out of that dead place quickly, Thank You! First thing that helped was telling my friend Elizabeth.  She made sympathetic noises and told me she loved me, always much more helpful than making suggestions for how to get out. … Continue reading

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Another Sojourn in the Pit

Journal for Thursday, August 1 3rd cup of tea:  It was beautiful outside when I walked Mocha, cool, sunny, sparkling.  But I could not experience it.  This mood doesn’t have the weight of depression, it’s more a sense of why … Continue reading

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“A time when you didn’t even guess that you were happy…”

I have been happy for days.  Something so unusual I can remember the times it happened in the past.  Winter Solstice at Stanstead.  Driving back from the first session of Writers for Recovery.  Seeing the chickadees coming to the feeder … Continue reading

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