Category Archives: Depression

“A time when you didn’t even guess that you were happy…”

I have been happy for days.  Something so unusual I can remember the times it happened in the past.  Winter Solstice at Stanstead.  Driving back from the first session of Writers for Recovery.  Seeing the chickadees coming to the feeder … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Healing, Present Day | Comments Off on “A time when you didn’t even guess that you were happy…”

The Story of My Name

I wrote this recently in a writing group: I was named Jean for my mother, but they called me “Jenny” to differentiate me from my mother who was called “Pidge.”  I was told that “Jenny” had come from a great-great … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Story, Writing | Comments Off on The Story of My Name

Don’t Want to Live

Originally posted on September 23, 2011 (Written in June 2004) Dear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I’m having a pretty bad time.  I wanted to die this morning — I’m just sick & tired of being Jenny — she’s too much … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Guidance | Comments Off on Don’t Want to Live

Wanting to Live my “Big Life”

This was originally posted on September 16, 2011.  It’s such a good analysis of my typical breakdown.  It was also a little shocking to find a relatively serious breakdown in 2003.  I always think of the one in 2008, and … Continue reading

Posted in Breakdown, Depression, Trauma | Comments Off on Wanting to Live my “Big Life”

Guidance

(Written in January 2008) Dear Guides and Guardian Spirits, I’m feeling sad and discouraged: about the losses of my life, about the state of the world, about my lack of energy that keeps me from taking action to support the … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Guidance, Trauma | Comments Off on Guidance

Grieving

I posted this on June 2010.  I’ve been going back and reading my blog from the beginning. This one struck me as describing so well how I was ten years ago.  So I’m posting it again. (Written in June 2009) I’m … Continue reading

Posted in Depression | Comments Off on Grieving

Depression in Reaction to Feeling Good

This was originally posted on June 1, 2015.  I wrote the first paragraph to share with other people struggling with PTSD.  I’ve been going back and reading older posts and finding them comforting and validating.  This one resonated because I … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Trauma | Comments Off on Depression in Reaction to Feeling Good

Issue of Control

July 10 Fear came up.  The cold vibration in my diaphragm.  It didn’t fade so I stayed with it.  Tried to meditate — actually maybe I did finally hold on to the lovingkindness prayer for myself.  Somewhere along the way … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Interesting link, Journal, Present Day, Somatic Experiencing, Trauma | Comments Off on Issue of Control

Depression

Typing up from a month ago, I came to this: I woke up feeling a little bleak. just a little.  It’s as though I’m asking “What am I doing here?”  “What is my life about?”  And the answer is a … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Journal, Present Day, Trauma, Vocation | Comments Off on Depression

Depression/ Apathy/ Exhaustion/ Despair/ Grief

Last month Erica was away for a week.  On the Tuesday when I would have seen her, I woke up depressed.  It’s the first time I’ve been depressed in a long time.  It gave me a chance to differentiate “depressed” … Continue reading

Posted in Activism, Depression, Present Day | Comments Off on Depression/ Apathy/ Exhaustion/ Despair/ Grief