Category Archives: Trauma

Issue of Control

July 10 Fear came up.  The cold vibration in my diaphragm.  It didn’t fade so I stayed with it.  Tried to meditate — actually maybe I did finally hold on to the lovingkindness prayer for myself.  Somewhere along the way … Continue reading

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Attachment Wound

Attachment wound — so deeply buried that it’s out of experience — absence of that felt sense of support now — felt sense of internal conversation — in there to be drawn upon Something going on — let’s sit down … Continue reading

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“Too Sensitive”

“None of the adults in my life ever once remembered to say, “Some people have a thick skin and you don’t.  Your heart is really open and that is going to cause pain, but that is an appropriate response to … Continue reading

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Identity Confusion/Conflict (for lack of a better title)

Friday, June 8 Don’t know how to start.  So odd.  I read what I wrote down that Elizabeth said in our phone conversation — “Identity in flux” — yes that’s exactly my experience. “Attachment repair” — homies seeking to “re-identify”  … Continue reading

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Learning Resilience

Woke up scared.  Still feeling a little activated, a kind of buzzing in my stomach.  I’m sure part of it was that I took Mocha to the vet, and she had two vaccinations: distemper and Lyme.  Yesterday she was very … Continue reading

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“…and it is trying desperately to flower…”

Written in Davis, California, at the time of my breakdown and hospitalization.    This poor tree is hanging at the edge of the abyss — its roots have no soil and are trying to press into crevices in the rock, … Continue reading

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In the Middle of a Huge Transformation

I haven’t done a blog post in a long time.  My life has been overwhelming, I am beginning to realize that I am going through an unbelievably HUGE transition.  Not just from “regular life” to “a place for old people,” … Continue reading

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50th Anniversary of Assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King jr.

My journal entry for April 4, 1968 I don’t know where to start.  It seemed as though the volcano was going to blow last night.  I wanted to smash a window or something — perhaps because of Dr. King’s death?  … Continue reading

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Extraordinary Ease with my Life…. Really?

Excerpts from journal written during the week at the end of February: Sunday: Woke up not sure where I was.  I think from a very intense dream.  Feeling very lost. Monday:   Had that strange isolated feeling when I woke … Continue reading

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Depression

Typing up from a month ago, I came to this: I woke up feeling a little bleak. just a little.  It’s as though I’m asking “What am I doing here?”  “What is my life about?”  And the answer is a … Continue reading

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