Category Archives: Trauma

Profoundly Discouraged

from my journal for Saturday, September 8 In my session with Erica we didn’t talk much — I didn’t have a lot to say.  I told her about the odd blank times — how sometimes it was a relief, and … Continue reading

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Wanting to Die

From my journal for Tuesday, July 31 Feeling pretty lost.  Still very tired.  Woke up OK, but then started thinking uncomfortable thoughts.  Thought about — of all things — that detox foot bath that will probably not find a good … Continue reading

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Seeing my Life as a Task

From my journal for Monday, July 30: In Franconia.  I look around my house and see things that need to be dealt with and my heart hurts.  Why would my heart hurt when I see something that needs to be … Continue reading

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Process of Understanding What I’m up Against

This is what I wrote in my journal this morning.  It shows how I actually use writing to understand myself better.  This process began with a realization that “I’ve had the sense that reading thrillers addictively was in an attempt … Continue reading

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Issue of Control

July 10 Fear came up.  The cold vibration in my diaphragm.  It didn’t fade so I stayed with it.  Tried to meditate — actually maybe I did finally hold on to the lovingkindness prayer for myself.  Somewhere along the way … Continue reading

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Attachment Wound

Attachment wound — so deeply buried that it’s out of experience — absence of that felt sense of support now — felt sense of internal conversation — in there to be drawn upon Something going on — let’s sit down … Continue reading

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“Too Sensitive”

“None of the adults in my life ever once remembered to say, “Some people have a thick skin and you don’t.  Your heart is really open and that is going to cause pain, but that is an appropriate response to … Continue reading

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Identity Confusion/Conflict (for lack of a better title)

Friday, June 8 Don’t know how to start.  So odd.  I read what I wrote down that Elizabeth said in our phone conversation — “Identity in flux” — yes that’s exactly my experience. “Attachment repair” — homies seeking to “re-identify”  … Continue reading

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Learning Resilience

Woke up scared.  Still feeling a little activated, a kind of buzzing in my stomach.  I’m sure part of it was that I took Mocha to the vet, and she had two vaccinations: distemper and Lyme.  Yesterday she was very … Continue reading

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“…and it is trying desperately to flower…”

Written in Davis, California, at the time of my breakdown and hospitalization.    This poor tree is hanging at the edge of the abyss — its roots have no soil and are trying to press into crevices in the rock, … Continue reading

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