Category Archives: Trauma

Being Stuck in a Process

“Being stuck in a process” reminds me of a pattern Dr. Rankin discovered.  I had started therapy with her in St. Johnsbury, Vermont, in 1997.  She was a specialist in mood disorders.  I had been seeing her for several months.  … Continue reading

Posted in Trauma | Comments Off on Being Stuck in a Process

Depression in Reaction to Feeling Good

This was originally posted on June 1, 2015.  I wrote the first paragraph to share with other people struggling with PTSD.  I’ve been going back and reading older posts and finding them comforting and validating.  This one resonated because I … Continue reading

Posted in Depression, Trauma | Comments Off on Depression in Reaction to Feeling Good

“Bombed-Out Village”

Wednesday, November 21 Thinking about talking with Erica about starting to tolerate — and even enjoy — the ordinary.  For most of my life I was in too much psychic pain, I needed something fairly intense to hold my attention.  … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on “Bombed-Out Village”

“Shell Shock”

Wednesday, November 14 My talk with Erica was really pretty amazing.  She was absolutely delighted that I was really beginning to let myself rest.  She said she had felt so protective of me at the beginning because I didn’t seem … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on “Shell Shock”

Attachment Trauma

I usually type up my journal a month later.  Yesterday I typed this.  One of the things I’ve been learning in the work with Erica is how deep the trauma goes.  This description of feeling so alone and disconnected is … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on Attachment Trauma

Running on Fumes

From my journal for September 26 I was so tired yesterday I didn’t do much of anything.  I did take a short nap, went to meditation, walked Mocha in the rain.  I had planned to do things like call the … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on Running on Fumes

Reframe

more from my journal for Tuesday, October 16 I read some more in Krista Tippett’s book.  It is so amazing.  A lot of it feels totally beyond my poor brain at the moment.  Maybe because so much of it is … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on Reframe

Good for me!

I typed all that up and made a draft of a blog post.  It took me all day.  I added a part about early trauma affecting the development of the brain, how that makes it harder to heal.  When I … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on Good for me!

Struggle with Feelings of Failure

from my journal for Monday, October 15 I am having a really hard time.  I had planned to pick up my meds between 8-9AM.  I got up at 7, so tired, so hard to get out of bed.  Did usual … Continue reading

Posted in Journal, Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on Struggle with Feelings of Failure

“I cried and cried and nobody came…”

I finally figured out why I have been so triggered.  I was molested by my father at age 12 and raped by a date at age 17.  I never told anyone, until very recently, and I’ve never had anyone tell … Continue reading

Posted in Present Day, Trauma | Comments Off on “I cried and cried and nobody came…”