Category Archives: Trauma

Saying “No”

Wednesday, September 28 The session with Erica was very painful.  I cried a lot.  I didn’t write anything down.  I didn’t feel connected to her.  It was hard to say how I knew that.  I said something about how her … Continue reading

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I Need Other People to Share my Pain about Current Events.

My heart hurts.  It hurt a lot yesterday as I drove down to Hanover.  I was hurting for the people of Puerto Rico, and the ones in Las Vegas.  I say nothing about the hideous denial by Drumpf and his … Continue reading

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What it Feels Like to be a Baby Left Alone Too Long

Saturday, September 23 This is what I wrote in my journal this morning.  Friday morning is when I have a phone appointment with Erica, because she is in Keene. Woke up feeling painfully isolated.  I usually say “lonely” but I … Continue reading

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Feeling Unreal

I haven’t posted anything for a while.  My life has been very difficult: overwhelming, crazy-making.  There’s an earlier post about Feeling Unreal, so that’s been another part of this difficult summer.  I don’t even know how much sense this post … Continue reading

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Pain Becomes Compassion

I was typing up from a month ago when I had woken up feeling sad & scared, and was so disappointed that I had lost the good feelings from the day before.  I was angry at myself for “wrecking” my … Continue reading

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I Feel Pain Because I Love

Last Saturday I didn’t have any human contact all day.  I typed a lot of journal, played a lot of solitaire.  Washed a bunch of dishes.  Dumped a puzzle on the table & started turning pieces right side up.  I … Continue reading

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Feeling Unreal

For the last few days, I have been feeling “unreal.”  I went back in my journal trying to find where I first started to feel that.  July 17 was the first time I wrote something like “I don’t feel like … Continue reading

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PTSD and Dharma?

I’m very grateful that I’ve been reading Stephen Cope’s book The Great Work of Your Life.  I’ve read it before, but this time many things spoke to me in a very personal way. I’m wondering about looking at my struggle … Continue reading

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Pattern of Overdoing and then Crashing

October 2003 Put on the Oratorium CD.  Sitting on the floor, moving with grief, pain in the heart, lack of hope — walking out into the desert with the fragments of a culture, knowing that it’s most likely I will … Continue reading

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Struggle with Emptiness/Meaninglessness

This was written on October 11, which happens to be my mother’s birthday. She died fifteen years ago. Woke feeling scared — tried asking it but nothing happened.  Tried bringing compassion to it, sitting next to it — no softening, … Continue reading

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