Category Archives: Present Day

Big Life Change

The first step was feeling totally helpless and needing to have someone come rescue me, but then being able to just witness that I was “at the end of my resources,” without trying to figure out what I could do … Continue reading

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Saying “No”

Wednesday, September 28 The session with Erica was very painful.  I cried a lot.  I didn’t write anything down.  I didn’t feel connected to her.  It was hard to say how I knew that.  I said something about how her … Continue reading

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Mandala of Truth

This is a piece I wrote during the Kindred Spirits gathering at Rowe.  I did this workshop with about 10 other people.  It was facilitated by Satyena who is the director of Starseed. Yesterday I did Satyena’s workshop “Mandala of … Continue reading

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Why Keep Writing a Journal?

I’ve been working with Christia to downsize and prepare to move to Kendal.  Christia discovered that she could tear the pages out of the spiral journal notebooks so they could be recycled.  So she’s been doing that, and it gives … Continue reading

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Depression/ Apathy/ Exhaustion/ Despair/ Grief

Last month Erica was away for a week.  On the Tuesday when I would have seen her, I woke up depressed.  It’s the first time I’ve been depressed in a long time.  It gave me a chance to differentiate “depressed” … Continue reading

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Kendal Retirement Community

I have mentioned Kendal several times, but never said much about it. I started having a really hard time after Bella died in September 2013.  Lynelle warned me that it would trigger abandonment issues and it certainly did.  I started … Continue reading

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I Need Other People to Share my Pain about Current Events.

My heart hurts.  It hurt a lot yesterday as I drove down to Hanover.  I was hurting for the people of Puerto Rico, and the ones in Las Vegas.  I say nothing about the hideous denial by Drumpf and his … Continue reading

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What it Feels Like to be a Baby Left Alone Too Long

Saturday, September 23 This is what I wrote in my journal this morning.  Friday morning is when I have a phone appointment with Erica, because she is in Keene. Woke up feeling painfully isolated.  I usually say “lonely” but I … Continue reading

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Feeling Unreal

I haven’t posted anything for a while.  My life has been very difficult: overwhelming, crazy-making.  There’s an earlier post about Feeling Unreal, so that’s been another part of this difficult summer.  I don’t even know how much sense this post … Continue reading

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Pain Becomes Compassion

I was typing up from a month ago when I had woken up feeling sad & scared, and was so disappointed that I had lost the good feelings from the day before.  I was angry at myself for “wrecking” my … Continue reading

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